Day1-Khengy admitted to hospital

My aunt,also my fried has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 3.It was a big blow to me and also my family.I was disoriented for about a week and fell sick for few days before feeling the slap on my face that this is real.
Today is a very tough day,it is also the first day i start to miss her company,her laughter and her loud voice despite having my family members around.We tried very hard to be happy so that i wont affect people ard me(it is the hardest that i ever tried) and to take life as usual although we all know that it is no longer normal,mundane, routine everyday life which we used to live. We had some sort of cat fight before she was admitted at 3.30pm.Seeing her wailing like a little girl really make me feel very sad and helpless. I could understand why she does certain things but at the same time, we all cant help it but to act like a mother cat protecting its own kittens.I do not know how to express my love for her,but i hope that one day she can really understand how much we all love her,and how much we want her to be healthy and safe.I have been asking God again and again,Why?Why her? There are also times i hate Him for doing this to her and to us.However,i can see good out of this.I realised how much her colleagues love and care for her, how kind her boss is,how caring the aunties in church are and how loving we are as a family.
I hope that it is not too late for her to realise all these,and that she will be strong so that she will put on her expensive necklace for me on my wedding day.I cannot imagine my life without her,there are tons of things i want to do with her-bake cakes,sing karaoke,take sticker pics and many many many more!
I am emotionally tired now,so much in my mind.i do not know how to write properlly,or what to write.I do not know how am i going to face the days ahead. I wish that i can be stronger,to be more relax and not to be so emotional.