I am unsure whats the main reason of me being more and more negative recently.Probably because of the course i am studying which never stop drilling into my mind the extent of human evilness in achieving his own goal.
i have totally opposite views on many aspects(such as politics,family etc).Well,maybe because all of the sudden i realized that life is not like fairy tales anymore.No Hello Kitty or Keropi dancing around me when i am happy/sad.And no prince charming on white horse running towards me when i need help.
In one of Weber's theory,he stated that human beings love and hate the truth.WE never stop seeking for truth as a students(our eagerness to know more and more) but at the same time we fear the truth.After knowing the truth,we feel disappointed that this world is not longer red and rosy.We hated the truth which make our life miserable, never stop regulating all our actions-what we can do and what we cant.
This make sense,doesn't it?But who came out with these truths?Famous scholars? Traditions? or the Media? Someone once said that something will be true no matter how absurd it is, as long as the media and majority of the people say/think it is.Another person once told me that,as long as you have power and money;you will be the person who decide the truth!
Thursday 20 December 2007
Wednesday 19 December 2007
Holiday Mood
It's holiday time,and i am suppose to be happy and relaxed.Somehow,i am NOT.I am down with flu.It's torturous!I feel drowsy and sleepy after medication which affect my plan for each day.I am not happy, i dont know how long my body takes to fight the virus.
After so long,i'm stil having exam dream which cause me bad headache every morning.Ergh...i do not wish to complain but this is really upsetting.
After so long,i'm stil having exam dream which cause me bad headache every morning.Ergh...i do not wish to complain but this is really upsetting.
Tuesday 18 December 2007
Draft 1-Railway Romanzo
It was a windy night,i was sitting on my make-up table starring at my own reflection.i heard a sigh.My own sigh. It has been very long,too long..that i have not looked at myself throughly.I have gave up myself for too long, i whispered to myself as i sighed again.I lifted up my hands and caressed my face,i could feel the lines beside my eyes,its like the train track at the city hall.The bumpiness on the railway always make my heart jump especially the first time i stepped on the train.I could still remember vividly the anxiety i had,looking out the train like a meerkat watching for predators.
Indeed, a predator came.A handsome one which took my heart away from my body for the longest time.It wasn't meant to be like this,it was supposed to be a happily ever after like Cinderella and the prince charming without a white horse(replaced by the high speed train).
As i looked at his picture,all the memories flowed back without much effort.I remembered his huge arms lifting me up when i fell on the train.It was an embarrassing yet quixotic scene.We were so near when i finally managed to stand up,and i could feel him; breathing on my forehead.A warm and compassionate breath which evaporate in the air within seconds.I could smell his cologne,a typical mens' smell which signify their superiority over the women.Our eyes locked for the first time as if we're the only creatures in this world.I miss that moment terribly, the only moment where i could feel the rush of my blood as my adrenaline glads increased the pumping of my heart .
(to be continue)
Indeed, a predator came.A handsome one which took my heart away from my body for the longest time.It wasn't meant to be like this,it was supposed to be a happily ever after like Cinderella and the prince charming without a white horse(replaced by the high speed train).
As i looked at his picture,all the memories flowed back without much effort.I remembered his huge arms lifting me up when i fell on the train.It was an embarrassing yet quixotic scene.We were so near when i finally managed to stand up,and i could feel him; breathing on my forehead.A warm and compassionate breath which evaporate in the air within seconds.I could smell his cologne,a typical mens' smell which signify their superiority over the women.Our eyes locked for the first time as if we're the only creatures in this world.I miss that moment terribly, the only moment where i could feel the rush of my blood as my adrenaline glads increased the pumping of my heart .
(to be continue)
Friday 14 December 2007
Tuesday 11 December 2007
Hat Yai,Thailand
Spent 2 days in Thailand,shop at the market like OH BA SANG trying to bargain with the Thais.Some are quite friendly,some are quite fierce.I do not blame them for scolding+cursing us,they are just trying to make some money to feed their family.But still,i bargained like mad woman so that i wont be called "water fish",since their mark-up price is very high.Looking back,i feel quite bad for not giving them the extra 1or 2 dollars .Shopping there was quite interesting, but everybody was quite grumpy and tired.
Bullets were flying everywhere which indicate the unwillingness and irritation of trying to accommodate everybody with some touch of unintended exchange of words with loved ones which many regret after the trip.Well,thts the difference btw family and friends.Family don't hold grudges against each other and ready to tolerate with each other no matter what.
It was an eye opening experience,and i feel v.sad for the young girls who have to sell their body to meet their needs.Looking at them which are at my age following some old uncles in and out of the hotel break my heart.Their unwillingness showed in their gloomy eyes,who knows what's the story behind these eyes?
Inadvertently ,i thought of someone.There are some truths out there which i do not dare to discover.That night in Thailand,i kept my mind busy trying to imagine the worst .The thought of it made my body tremble and drained my tears.I should learn to be more relaxed,to accept things that will come and not to worry so much COZ it only make my life more miserable.
The End
Bullets were flying everywhere which indicate the unwillingness and irritation of trying to accommodate everybody with some touch of unintended exchange of words with loved ones which many regret after the trip.Well,thts the difference btw family and friends.Family don't hold grudges against each other and ready to tolerate with each other no matter what.
It was an eye opening experience,and i feel v.sad for the young girls who have to sell their body to meet their needs.Looking at them which are at my age following some old uncles in and out of the hotel break my heart.Their unwillingness showed in their gloomy eyes,who knows what's the story behind these eyes?
Inadvertently ,i thought of someone.There are some truths out there which i do not dare to discover.That night in Thailand,i kept my mind busy trying to imagine the worst .The thought of it made my body tremble and drained my tears.I should learn to be more relaxed,to accept things that will come and not to worry so much COZ it only make my life more miserable.
The End
Friday 7 December 2007
Thursday 6 December 2007
4th day in KL
Glad that i am back in KL safely...too much news about death these few days that make me feel that life is just like a wine glass,fragile and breakable although it may be made of crystal.
I start to imagine myself to be in their situation,what will come into my mind when i catch my last breath?
Will it be like in the movie where there's a flashback on the good and bad deeds that i did?
or it will be a moment of pain where i'll be half conscious?
I dont know,there is no certain answer for how it will be like before you die unless you experience it yourself.
Choi?!
I am glad to be alive now,to be able to spend time with my love ones.I am beginning to cherish people ard me more,as i do not know when will i leave this world or vice versa.Think about all these always bring me to tears,there is no one that i wan to "goodbye" to (even the dog). hmm..maybe i should not write abt this at all,its too depressing.Should have relax and think of something else than to think of something that no one can change except HIM.
I start to imagine myself to be in their situation,what will come into my mind when i catch my last breath?
Will it be like in the movie where there's a flashback on the good and bad deeds that i did?
or it will be a moment of pain where i'll be half conscious?
I dont know,there is no certain answer for how it will be like before you die unless you experience it yourself.
Choi?!
I am glad to be alive now,to be able to spend time with my love ones.I am beginning to cherish people ard me more,as i do not know when will i leave this world or vice versa.Think about all these always bring me to tears,there is no one that i wan to "goodbye" to (even the dog). hmm..maybe i should not write abt this at all,its too depressing.Should have relax and think of something else than to think of something that no one can change except HIM.
Sunday 2 December 2007
Goign back?
I will be leaving again tomorrow...leaving?or shall i say going back tomorrow.Somehow i always have this weird feeling going back home.I am happy on one side but worry+fear on the other side.I am beginning to feel tired of this kind of life.Going back and forth and now knowing where is my real home.Sometimes i just wish that everybody can stay in the same place and i can see everyone without taking 5 hrs bus.
It is happy when i can spend more time with mum, sis ,L and some of my old frens , but its sad to be back again to face the cruel reality of my family.I can never run away from it unless i disown my family(is there such a thing?),which is impossible.So,i just hope that i can be more brave and tougher this time.
Hmm.leaving is hard.After having so much fun together with A doing all kind of crazy stuffs together,i feel sad to leave knowing that she'll be alone with P.Dont know why this time i feel more nostalgic than before.Maybe becoz we're now closer to each other and we've been spending more time together during the semester :( Also, A has to leave to a new place which may give her more $$ and freedom nxt sem.I feel a bit sad not becoz of the Free ride or the free lunch,or the FOC printing BUT its the company and the laughter in the car and office which i will miss terribly.
Went for long Christmas shopping today,it was fun and tiring.The happiest thing is to be able to get $10 tshirt for the new sem.yeah..my favorite colour somemore.song-nye!
No one can predict what will happen in the future,no matter wat i just hope that everyone that i love will be happy. I do not know why but i always have this strange feelings everytime i take bus home.Maybe i'm thinking too much,but i hope that those ppl that i love know that i care for them and love them dearly.
It is happy when i can spend more time with mum, sis ,L and some of my old frens , but its sad to be back again to face the cruel reality of my family.I can never run away from it unless i disown my family(is there such a thing?),which is impossible.So,i just hope that i can be more brave and tougher this time.
Hmm.leaving is hard.After having so much fun together with A doing all kind of crazy stuffs together,i feel sad to leave knowing that she'll be alone with P.Dont know why this time i feel more nostalgic than before.Maybe becoz we're now closer to each other and we've been spending more time together during the semester :( Also, A has to leave to a new place which may give her more $$ and freedom nxt sem.I feel a bit sad not becoz of the Free ride or the free lunch,or the FOC printing BUT its the company and the laughter in the car and office which i will miss terribly.
Went for long Christmas shopping today,it was fun and tiring.The happiest thing is to be able to get $10 tshirt for the new sem.yeah..my favorite colour somemore.song-nye!
No one can predict what will happen in the future,no matter wat i just hope that everyone that i love will be happy. I do not know why but i always have this strange feelings everytime i take bus home.Maybe i'm thinking too much,but i hope that those ppl that i love know that i care for them and love them dearly.
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