All about me

Life has been kind of good..although i am packed with lots lots of work .
I eat and dream with assignments and chasing after readings from week to week.
hmm..nevertheless, i quite like it.Coz i can have somthing to look forward to.And i do not need to think of anything else but my own work,which will bring me good future.Yes, i am trying to rationalized my workloads so that i can make myself feel better.

Without realizing, i have spend 2 and half yrs in university .i never thought that i would survive, i still remember how much i struggled during the first semester.How life was as a lost sheep, wondering around alone without any guidance or friends.Yes, those were the days.I tried to distance myself from the lonely sheep by making a joke which uncle used to tell me," i would not be discovered if i fall into the drain in the school since the school is so big untill i body rot and produce bad smell".Yeah...those were the hard days.
Now, i do not mind being alone, so that i have time to think of my assignments and dream my little dream...Time can really change a person.Throughout this process, i have changed a lot.I do not know whether it is good or bad, but i thank those who been good and bad to me coz wihthout them, i wont be who am i today.

Yes..september is coming.Well..Today my N asked me to write a card for a friend who's goign to celebrate her bday. What else, all the bad memories just came back! I didnt want to hold any grudges to anyone but i just feel extremly hurt thinking of those stupid days that i was hoping someone can give me a small little card.WEll, its not the value but to assure me that i am a person in somebody's heart, at least to show that i am a friend and not just a machine which produce them with notes and help them chop seats.
Well..tht's life. Somebody once told me, in this dog eats dog meat kind of world, we do not treat people sincerely or even show our true self so that we wont be taken advantage.It sounds quite reasonable, but i do not wish to be like that coz i really want to enjoy my life esp uni life.I want to be who i am.Who knows when i will die, at that time, i will not even have a chance to do what i am doing now.
I cannot turn back the time, when i think back of my poly life, i wish so much that i can go back and be a better student although i did quite well academically.Looking at bro studying in the same poly, i feel envious of the life he has;the life that i once have but i didnt treasure it enough that now i regret everytime i look back.

Time flies

Time really flies without any warning,
without realizing its 8:40pm now..and i am sitting here doing nothing
haven't even started with my readings..and my draft for my coming assignment which is due nxt Tuesday.
Life has no been rosy recently...well..it will be better.I am sure, i make myself believe that.
What is life, without hope...something that i can look forward to.

Today is a good day?

Just that when i thot everything is gonna be bad this semester, i finally found a place in Chinese course which fits nicely into my timetable.I do not know whether it's good or bad, whether i can cope or not, i just take it so that i wont be wasting my time this semester.
Well..i had a good dream today on bicycle, so i assume today is gonna be a good and happy day for me,
i hope nothing can spoil my mood!
*give me a day break okay...i need tht badly!

Depress

I feel depress and insecure.Suddenly, i feel empty inside.I wan to cry, cry my head off so that i can stop feeling so strange inside.What am i doing?am i addicted to some drugs or what?why am i having this kind of stupid feelings?
I am depress, yes i am.Why?Why is it so hard, just that when i know i have gotten over it, suddenly i feel bad again.When,when can i really get rid of it?
Sigh....no words, not a word that i can find in my head to describe clearly how i feel now.

Weekend activity

I learned how to make fruit tart and fruit cake!! i mean real cake(those you can get from Bread Talk), just that it's not that professional since it's my first attempt and my sifu's brain is a bit rusty after not baking for many many years.Well, generally i feel happy to keep myself busy.It's better to divert my attention to something else than to think about all those unhappy things.Yes, it was a right choice!
Hmm..now that my sifu has left and all the activities are over, i feel sad. I didn't know why i thought of those bad things again, and about my bad dream.
I feel like crying but bro is here, i cant.i have to hold it back.I didnt sleep last nite, i kept thinking and havign bad dreams.lots of them..Why?
I thot that i have gotten over it..haven't i? Why am i still feeling like tht?
I shouldn't have!
Disappointed with myself..

Unwell.

I am down with bad flu!!! i Hate it very much, the skin on my nose is peeling off after constant rubbing.ERGHHHHH..Why!!! I dont like.

Second day of school

Nothing surprising, stress is building up as i did not do anything for these few days;
just dont have the mood to do anything and now,
i feel sick.I feel unwell..i do not know whether its psychologically unwell or physically unwell.
I have not been sleeping well, as usual.
Haih..sigh...
what else can i do but complain.
starting to hate myself, useless~!

Lethargic

I feel lethargic, dont feel like doing anything but just sleep on my bed and rot.
Lots of readings and notes in front of me, yet my brain is wondering away,
I need to focus, i need to build up my momentum
But how?
How can i do it?
It feels so hard, am i pushing myself?
I just feel bad, as if the whole world did wrong to me,
I wish to lock myself in a cave and never go out again.

First day back to school

Today is the first day of school after a long holiday,
it's by no surprise that i dont feel excited at all,
not becoz i dont like to go to school,
it's just that i do not have the mood to learn anything.
I feel v.tired and lost in the school,
seeing other people laughing happilly with their friends, i feel so lonely inside.
Afiah was good to try to accompany me after lesson but sorry,
i didnt really want to talk much abt my problem.
I hate to let anyone see my weak side, maybe that's why i shun away from people and
choose to be alone.

He has left...

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He's leaving

He's leaving soon..i feel so sad knowing i will be alone now.I got to grown up and face everything on my own.
He wont be there for me physically, he wont be able to hold me when i cry
Most of all, i wont be able to see him face to face and let him comfort me.
It's hard, so hard this time coz im bleeding inside,and i need him so much to support and assure me everythign is gonna be alright.
I start to miss him..