Shocking news

I never knew that this kind of things corld happen to me, my family. All along i thought that such tragedy will only happen in Chinese drama.Little that i know that experiencing a heartbreaking event would have cost so much of my tears and emotions. I used to be a diligent time keeper, never fail to make sure that i could finish what i want in the intended point of time.Now, i fear when i look at the calendar and clock, showing the days that will pass each day when the clock pointers touch 12. Each day seems to be like the blessing of God as well as the punishment of God in letting me to continue to live in uncertainty and fear.

I fear to hear the bad news which i was told to be prepared,
Although i've accepted the reality but still, i fear.
I fear to see each day pass ; I do not know whether i want that day to come or not,
I fear the most imagining the weeping of my beloved one,
My heart will shatter and my body will be torn into parts,
All these I fear.

Who would understand the feelings buried inside my heart?
As there are secrets left untold,
Who would understand how much it weighed to my shoulder?
As they know nothing much,
Who would understand my life?
As they are not me.

Anger has subsides but the scar remains as the reminder of the pain
once cut so deep that it torn the muscle which used to support my heart.
This deep cut was ripped many many times,
each time, when the wound was almost healed.
The sensation of the pain never lessen,
but produce more and more pain that sometimes it numbs my weak body.

All these remain in silent,
To portray the heartless and rational me,
In order to support the weak 'servant'
who love and care for me,
who is dearly to me.