Thursday 31 July 2008
goodbye..
Although it still hurts inside, i forced myself to leave behind all these unhappiness and look forward to my new life, new beginning of my 3rd year in school. Nothing to be proud of this holiday although i did a lot and learned a lot. Everything is bad..so bad that i do not wish to keep it inside my memory box.Simply said, it's a holiday full of hatred.
Monday 21 July 2008
..........
I feel frustrated over all the things that are happening in my life,
I feel angry over myself for not able to control my emotion,
How come it is so hard to do?
Its so hard tht even i use all the strength in my body, i still shiver inside.
I feel so sad,..yes i am sad
I feel angry over myself for not able to control my emotion,
How come it is so hard to do?
Its so hard tht even i use all the strength in my body, i still shiver inside.
I feel so sad,..yes i am sad
Thursday 17 July 2008
Another day..
Another day has begun...it's another day for him and another day for myself
I do not know whether i should celebrate or mourn ,
I try very hard not to let him affect me,
I leave the house early in the morning and come back in the evening,
Still, i see him,i hear his voice,I feel angry and disturbed,
But at the same time, i feel helpless
As i lie my head on the pillow,
All my emotions keep pouring out without invitation,
Tears become my comfort,
Tears become my strength,
Tears become my sleeping pills.
Sad Fanky
I do not know whether i should celebrate or mourn ,
I try very hard not to let him affect me,
I leave the house early in the morning and come back in the evening,
Still, i see him,i hear his voice,I feel angry and disturbed,
But at the same time, i feel helpless
As i lie my head on the pillow,
All my emotions keep pouring out without invitation,
Tears become my comfort,
Tears become my strength,
Tears become my sleeping pills.
Sad Fanky
I wish
Been feeling helpless and useless these few days..there is nothing that i can look forward to
What is life when someone has lost his/her interest in everything? even food?
I wish, i can go out and spend lots and lots of money like nobody business so that i can be gratified instantly,
I wish, i can just go for holiday, to a place where i can relax totally and free my eyesight from people i dont wish to see,
I wish, i can change the reality, to have the freedom to be who i really am,
I wish, he will vanish from this world sooner,
I wish, I wish..I wish!
All these stupid wishes, i wonder when will all these come true??
What is life when someone has lost his/her interest in everything? even food?
I wish, i can go out and spend lots and lots of money like nobody business so that i can be gratified instantly,
I wish, i can just go for holiday, to a place where i can relax totally and free my eyesight from people i dont wish to see,
I wish, i can change the reality, to have the freedom to be who i really am,
I wish, he will vanish from this world sooner,
I wish, I wish..I wish!
All these stupid wishes, i wonder when will all these come true??
Wednesday 16 July 2008
..........
How i wish he'll be dead by tomorrow as he's lying outside trying to grasp the fresh air...
It's cruel, it's heartless but what else do you expect from me,
after all that you have done to me and to this family,
after all the damages
and the pain you have inflicted !
I detest your selfishness,
I despise your egoistic nature,
I loathe over your insincere love and care towards us,
All these make me hate you, more and more.
I beg, and i pray that we will all be released from the suffering
that we will be given a chance to start a new life,
a better and happier future that we yearn for.
Ive never experience my ideal happy family throughout my life,
A family with a caring and protective daddy,
A dad who i can look up to and say "help me",
A dad who can bring me out and make me proud,
All i have is someone who i had to hide away from,
Someone i feel embarrass to acknowledge,
Someone that never stop hurting me emotionally.
I feel sad,
I feel bad,
but all these mean nothing to him,
Coz all he cares is about himself, his selfish happiness.
It's cruel, it's heartless but what else do you expect from me,
after all that you have done to me and to this family,
after all the damages
and the pain you have inflicted !
I detest your selfishness,
I despise your egoistic nature,
I loathe over your insincere love and care towards us,
All these make me hate you, more and more.
I beg, and i pray that we will all be released from the suffering
that we will be given a chance to start a new life,
a better and happier future that we yearn for.
Ive never experience my ideal happy family throughout my life,
A family with a caring and protective daddy,
A dad who i can look up to and say "help me",
A dad who can bring me out and make me proud,
All i have is someone who i had to hide away from,
Someone i feel embarrass to acknowledge,
Someone that never stop hurting me emotionally.
I feel sad,
I feel bad,
but all these mean nothing to him,
Coz all he cares is about himself, his selfish happiness.
Monday 14 July 2008
Shocking news
I never knew that this kind of things corld happen to me, my family. All along i thought that such tragedy will only happen in Chinese drama.Little that i know that experiencing a heartbreaking event would have cost so much of my tears and emotions. I used to be a diligent time keeper, never fail to make sure that i could finish what i want in the intended point of time.Now, i fear when i look at the calendar and clock, showing the days that will pass each day when the clock pointers touch 12. Each day seems to be like the blessing of God as well as the punishment of God in letting me to continue to live in uncertainty and fear.
I fear to hear the bad news which i was told to be prepared,
Although i've accepted the reality but still, i fear.
I fear to see each day pass ; I do not know whether i want that day to come or not,
I fear the most imagining the weeping of my beloved one,
My heart will shatter and my body will be torn into parts,
All these I fear.
Who would understand the feelings buried inside my heart?
As there are secrets left untold,
Who would understand how much it weighed to my shoulder?
As they know nothing much,
Who would understand my life?
As they are not me.
Anger has subsides but the scar remains as the reminder of the pain
once cut so deep that it torn the muscle which used to support my heart.
This deep cut was ripped many many times,
each time, when the wound was almost healed.
The sensation of the pain never lessen,
but produce more and more pain that sometimes it numbs my weak body.
All these remain in silent,
To portray the heartless and rational me,
In order to support the weak 'servant'
who love and care for me,
who is dearly to me.
I fear to hear the bad news which i was told to be prepared,
Although i've accepted the reality but still, i fear.
I fear to see each day pass ; I do not know whether i want that day to come or not,
I fear the most imagining the weeping of my beloved one,
My heart will shatter and my body will be torn into parts,
All these I fear.
Who would understand the feelings buried inside my heart?
As there are secrets left untold,
Who would understand how much it weighed to my shoulder?
As they know nothing much,
Who would understand my life?
As they are not me.
Anger has subsides but the scar remains as the reminder of the pain
once cut so deep that it torn the muscle which used to support my heart.
This deep cut was ripped many many times,
each time, when the wound was almost healed.
The sensation of the pain never lessen,
but produce more and more pain that sometimes it numbs my weak body.
All these remain in silent,
To portray the heartless and rational me,
In order to support the weak 'servant'
who love and care for me,
who is dearly to me.
Tuesday 1 July 2008
Orea cupcakes!
I made it!!! Oreo cupcakes..its a bit sweet for me but i am sure sis and other kids will love it!!!
Yeah yeah....Happy.
Recipe and pic taken from... (http://bakingsheet.blogspot.com/2006/06/cooking-school-oreo-cupcakes.html).
The one i did without icing and Oreo biscuit on top :). I find that Oreo Biscuit is very sweet, next time should lessen the sugar..that will be more healthy!!
Found this cool website (http://www.jsward.com/cooking/conversion.shtml) that help you convert everything from cup to oz and vice versa and many many many more conversion!!!
Yeah...yah..will upload my own pic nxt time.
Bake-Baking-Baked? Watever
Feeling grumps...for being taken for granted again and again.Who knows how it feels to be someone who's very much insecure with everything she has. Unfamiliar people may find it cool and rational without knowing the feelings of a human being can have when comes to emotion.
Nothing that can help me to release my unhappiness but to bake,
Baking gives me hope despite all the unpleasant things that happen,
Baking helps me to release my unhappiness and be focus,
Baking makes me realize that everything is under my, only my control,
My new found hobby gave me satisfaction seeing what i expected to grow inside the small little oven with spotlight shinning proudly on it added with a whisper in my ear "Yes, you did it".
Nothing that can help me to release my unhappiness but to bake,
Baking gives me hope despite all the unpleasant things that happen,
Baking helps me to release my unhappiness and be focus,
Baking makes me realize that everything is under my, only my control,
My new found hobby gave me satisfaction seeing what i expected to grow inside the small little oven with spotlight shinning proudly on it added with a whisper in my ear "Yes, you did it".
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