Weekend activity

I learned how to make fruit tart and fruit cake!! i mean real cake(those you can get from Bread Talk), just that it's not that professional since it's my first attempt and my sifu's brain is a bit rusty after not baking for many many years.Well, generally i feel happy to keep myself busy.It's better to divert my attention to something else than to think about all those unhappy things.Yes, it was a right choice!
Hmm..now that my sifu has left and all the activities are over, i feel sad. I didn't know why i thought of those bad things again, and about my bad dream.
I feel like crying but bro is here, i cant.i have to hold it back.I didnt sleep last nite, i kept thinking and havign bad dreams.lots of them..Why?
I thot that i have gotten over it..haven't i? Why am i still feeling like tht?
I shouldn't have!
Disappointed with myself..

Unwell.

I am down with bad flu!!! i Hate it very much, the skin on my nose is peeling off after constant rubbing.ERGHHHHH..Why!!! I dont like.

Second day of school

Nothing surprising, stress is building up as i did not do anything for these few days;
just dont have the mood to do anything and now,
i feel sick.I feel unwell..i do not know whether its psychologically unwell or physically unwell.
I have not been sleeping well, as usual.
Haih..sigh...
what else can i do but complain.
starting to hate myself, useless~!

Lethargic

I feel lethargic, dont feel like doing anything but just sleep on my bed and rot.
Lots of readings and notes in front of me, yet my brain is wondering away,
I need to focus, i need to build up my momentum
But how?
How can i do it?
It feels so hard, am i pushing myself?
I just feel bad, as if the whole world did wrong to me,
I wish to lock myself in a cave and never go out again.

First day back to school

Today is the first day of school after a long holiday,
it's by no surprise that i dont feel excited at all,
not becoz i dont like to go to school,
it's just that i do not have the mood to learn anything.
I feel v.tired and lost in the school,
seeing other people laughing happilly with their friends, i feel so lonely inside.
Afiah was good to try to accompany me after lesson but sorry,
i didnt really want to talk much abt my problem.
I hate to let anyone see my weak side, maybe that's why i shun away from people and
choose to be alone.

He has left...

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He's leaving

He's leaving soon..i feel so sad knowing i will be alone now.I got to grown up and face everything on my own.
He wont be there for me physically, he wont be able to hold me when i cry
Most of all, i wont be able to see him face to face and let him comfort me.
It's hard, so hard this time coz im bleeding inside,and i need him so much to support and assure me everythign is gonna be alright.
I start to miss him..