Where can i get comfort and assurance?
Where can i go to have a nice rest?
Where?!
I wish to hide, in a jungle..creepy jungle
Where i can feel the nature and have the peace i once have.
When i look back,
i hate myself for being the sensitive one,
among the insensitive chaps ,
who never stop making my days stink like SHIT.
Yar, this is life,
we never stop meeting expectations,
we never stop putting our expectations on others,
trying to control each and everyone around us,
A detector!
Wednesday 29 October 2008
Bad things tumbling down
Just another bad thing out of the many many ......do not know why are we the unfortunate one. Ergh..frustrated. Sickening!!
I do not know how to handle all these, its affecting me. Well,i seem to be the stupid numb one but mind you, i am badly affected with things around me!
Hai..no mood to study now.
This semester is just the WRONG + BAD semester for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Sick...there are many things that i wish i cant see or hear...........ignorant is bliss!
(pic taken from :http://a3.vox.com/6a00c225212598549d00cdf7eb2deb094f-500pi)
Saturday 25 October 2008
End of 2009; A new slave of labour is born
End of 2009- is when i will/supose to leave this instituition and be promoted to a more cruel and ugly big instituition(the society) where i will be confronted with the ugliness of this world face to face. I will no longer be protected by the my shield (book) and have to see everything from my myopic lens. My only protection?! My thick glasses.
I have mix feelings about this, i feel good knowing i will be the independent woman with my own carrer and life but on the other hand i am heavy-hearted knocking on the door of freedom/individuality. Yes, freedom comes with a price . Being independent is not about having night life and partying around but it means carrying the burden of family and responsibilty of own act.
Yeah..ambiguity, paradox....thts what life should be isnt it?
Life will never be completed without such feelings.
What i read from Foucault 5 minites ago, you can only be who you are when you are confronted with all the contradictions in the world.It is then you need to ask yourself what/where is the truth, without the need to care about the rules and regulations impose upon you.
Can life be so simple? Can we really hack care about the rules and do what we need?
Well, i wish to,that's what everybody wants right? But the reality is that, it is IMPOSSIBLE.
It is funny but also ironic when i think of the word "impossible" coz when i break it up it looks like IMPOSE by the powerful and dominant one + to make it POSSIBLE.
That's the world we are living and breathing in.
I have mix feelings about this, i feel good knowing i will be the independent woman with my own carrer and life but on the other hand i am heavy-hearted knocking on the door of freedom/individuality. Yes, freedom comes with a price . Being independent is not about having night life and partying around but it means carrying the burden of family and responsibilty of own act.
Yeah..ambiguity, paradox....thts what life should be isnt it?
Life will never be completed without such feelings.
What i read from Foucault 5 minites ago, you can only be who you are when you are confronted with all the contradictions in the world.It is then you need to ask yourself what/where is the truth, without the need to care about the rules and regulations impose upon you.
Can life be so simple? Can we really hack care about the rules and do what we need?
Well, i wish to,that's what everybody wants right? But the reality is that, it is IMPOSSIBLE.
It is funny but also ironic when i think of the word "impossible" coz when i break it up it looks like IMPOSE by the powerful and dominant one + to make it POSSIBLE.
That's the world we are living and breathing in.
Thursday 23 October 2008
What happend?
We just cannot believe what has happened, everything ahead of us is empty. We wanted to stay in the realm of denial and continue with our fantasy.Once shut, we are lost and astrayed not knowing where to find comfort. Whether i am the victim or not.
i feel disturbed emotionally.I feel the pain,the wailing and the crash of hope inside the very one's heart. I cant focus in my work, i cant think straight. Everyday seems like a bad day, feeling helpless, not knowing wat to do to make one feels better.
There are ppl who proclaimed themselve as friends, but run away during bad times,
There are ppl who once showed you love, but choose to let go your hand in the storm,
Who can you depend on in the world full of wickedness?
You wont know whether it is the devil's hand that you are clinging onto!
i feel disturbed emotionally.I feel the pain,the wailing and the crash of hope inside the very one's heart. I cant focus in my work, i cant think straight. Everyday seems like a bad day, feeling helpless, not knowing wat to do to make one feels better.
There are ppl who proclaimed themselve as friends, but run away during bad times,
There are ppl who once showed you love, but choose to let go your hand in the storm,
Who can you depend on in the world full of wickedness?
You wont know whether it is the devil's hand that you are clinging onto!
Sunday 19 October 2008
Shocking news
It is not new when someone tells you how much they wish to die. It is also common for myself to think how good it is if i can just leave this world during bad times. Yes, it's easy to be said than to be done. Many people chicken out before the act is being perform...
There are many times that we take the people around us for granted, we think they'll be forever there , doing what they usually do;playing guitar just like any other day. But, little do we realise how fragile life can be.How a person who used to look cheerful can come to his/her breaking point and do somethign out of expectation.
Yes, tats shocking! Everyday before we go out, we put on a mask to cover us, to prevent others from seeing through us, the vulnerable selves. We put on a strong and defensive stance to ensure that nobody will know what is inside. When we reach a certain point, no mask is strong enough to sheild us, no mask is strong enough to help us to overcome our emotional breakdown, yesh..that's when we choose to end everything in front of us. Maybe i should say ,that's when we choose to shut down our system coz we cant stop whats happening around us.
It is scarry..yah it is. But it is not impossible.When we are vulnerable, stupid thoughts will just come uninvited. I Think, we need to be strong, to put our trust in God that nothing is too big for HIM and HE will make a way for us no matter what. Faint is important, reflect back on those times where we thought wats in front of us is a dead end, and when God open a new way for us without us expecting.Yes,HE will do it again and again...never stop.
There are many times that we take the people around us for granted, we think they'll be forever there , doing what they usually do;playing guitar just like any other day. But, little do we realise how fragile life can be.How a person who used to look cheerful can come to his/her breaking point and do somethign out of expectation.
Yes, tats shocking! Everyday before we go out, we put on a mask to cover us, to prevent others from seeing through us, the vulnerable selves. We put on a strong and defensive stance to ensure that nobody will know what is inside. When we reach a certain point, no mask is strong enough to sheild us, no mask is strong enough to help us to overcome our emotional breakdown, yesh..that's when we choose to end everything in front of us. Maybe i should say ,that's when we choose to shut down our system coz we cant stop whats happening around us.
It is scarry..yah it is. But it is not impossible.When we are vulnerable, stupid thoughts will just come uninvited. I Think, we need to be strong, to put our trust in God that nothing is too big for HIM and HE will make a way for us no matter what. Faint is important, reflect back on those times where we thought wats in front of us is a dead end, and when God open a new way for us without us expecting.Yes,HE will do it again and again...never stop.
Monday 13 October 2008
A for apple
This semester, i got my first A for my (Gender and Sexuality) assignment. This course is very interesting, well..not so much abt sex but it's more on how ppl perceive gender and how gender is being played out by different ppl such as organizations, state, and etc etc.
Oh..i didnt get a full A, just A minus which is good enough for me.At least,i feel that all my hardwork is worth it!!! So so happy !!! Hope that more As will come..hehe.
Mari mari come!!! come come come..A A A..okay.Abit gila!
I think i should start doing my work instead of blogging else F will come instead of A.hehe
Sunday 12 October 2008
October..........
This month is a very bad month,lots of assignments to rush. Can die..
Well, tht's life. Dont know why this semester has not been a fun one.Maybe becoz of the courses that i am taking, everything is just superlly sien.LAst sem was the best, lots of new discovery and lots of reflection.Hmm...that's life!Some ups and soem downs.
i dread to start writting my assignments..........................
Well, tht's life. Dont know why this semester has not been a fun one.Maybe becoz of the courses that i am taking, everything is just superlly sien.LAst sem was the best, lots of new discovery and lots of reflection.Hmm...that's life!Some ups and soem downs.
i dread to start writting my assignments..........................
Wednesday 1 October 2008
September is OVER
September is OVER!!!! I feel so sad coz September is y favourite month coz its my birthday month.heee. Just want to record this, i had a wonderful birthday this month....lots of present from ppl that i love n care
What i got this year:
What i got this year:
- Pretty pendant from Sweety
- Ipod Nano from Pingy Pod
- Handmade 4-eye boy from Khengy
- Nice dinner from Uncleee
- Yoshi from Bro
All these...may mean nothing to others but it means a lot to me!!I love all my pressies!!!
Thanks..muaks
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