Condition:critical...

Feelign unstable...trying to reflect on myself after i've received my test results.Somehow i dont feel good knowing that i didnt get what i expected.I am now moving further and further away from the goal i set for myself.

I'm not sure why do i have such aim .Does it really guarantee and better job?I cannot see the future,how far my expected result will bring me.Maybe it will not make a difference in my future.I guess, i am just tryign to prove that i can do it while i cant.I wish to depend on myself to achieve what i want,and the reality has showed that its not possible and i've been dreaming all along.

Effort does not correlate with result.Many things were playing through my mind while i was in the bus.Somehow,"self pity" appeared and i started to think negatively.I blamed myself for not possesing a good writting skills,i blamed myself for being so stupid,i blamed myself for everything non-stop.Yes,who else can i blame?I'm provided with all the neccessary things to study,books,tables,lamp,chairs,highlighter and even paper tray!
It's hard,it's harder than i thought it would be to put down my ego and to convince myself to just do my best and hack care about the result.

I know,its stupid.Maybe 5 years later,when i read my entry, i will laugh at myself for being so dumb to dwell over the stupid tests.It's more stupid to make it affect me untill i have no mood to do my assignment.It's not that i do not want to do,i 've lost the confidence that i've been working hard on.I do not dare to start writtign anything formal, it's driving me crazy.